“Vishuddha”

Wind and Water.  Associated with the color Blue most often.  The color of the 5^th Chakra:  Ether.  Universe.  Voice.  Five is the number of movement and productivity.  Freedom.  Primal in nature as we are.  Visual experiential learners every one.

I was just thinking that I dream the vision of my life as I go along all day long.  Today in the Pre-Post Natal teacher training workshop I attended I dreamt about what kind of teacher I want to be, what kind of mother, partner, friend I am and about the home I am building.  I dream about how I will feel in that space, how I will speak and embrace life and those around me who give me so much and allow me to express my visions unfettered and raw.

There was a time when I believed acting was the purest form of expression and that is why I wanted to be involved in the industry machine of making visual imagery, still or moving.  It didn’t matter to me where I stood on the set, just that I was there.  Now I understand it is the Act of Expression that is Pure. 

There is no concealment.  Nothing to hide behind.  The voice is meant to be heard and the body is a naturally bold flower just as each animal has it’s own personality.  Some heal, some hunt, some run, some sleep. 

There was a rough patch of years when I went from being a wild butterfly to feeling ashamed of and trapped within my own skin.  It is in this daydreaming where the tiniest belief held deep in the memory of my musculoskeletal system has given me the will to work toward my own personal liberation all these years.  It is in the creating of these dreams that motivates me to live the life I want and the reason for every decision I make. 

The Sanskrit equivalent I like to associate with this state of evolution is Krama mukti [krum mukti]: liberation by degrees.  Choice is a good place to begin.  It was during my 200 hour teacher training program where I discovered the concept that says the teacher witnesses where the students capabilities reside and respects that place and teaches to each student on that level. 

I began immediately to exercise my right to choose.  I chose to develop my personal practice around what my body wanted rather than what was necessarily prescribed.  My body had changed over the years and the first thing I needed to do was respect that within my own physicality before I could understand how to be a compassionate guide to a group of bodies that I cannot feel inside of.

Speaking of this takes me back to my workshop this afternoon.  My daydreaming becomes part of my experience.  While I’m navigating the balance of my structure relating to the floor and trying to remember to breathe I’m thinking about being a Mommy.  We had our Mexican blankets rolled up and tightly strapped around our abdomens to get a sense of how that obstruction will hinder movement.   

We modified the sun salutation, forward bends, side angle poses to strengthen the obliques, backbends and the necessity for keeping the bend mostly in the thoracic region.  It was a fascinating class.  Every new bit of information I learned gave me moments of daydreaming about how I will incorporate this new knowledge into my own teaching.  Like a skilled DJ inspires the bodies on the dancefloor through a journey of sound, the yoga teacher takes the mind on a journey while the body moves in and up and around the breath. 

My fellow market worker told me the other day he was not great in school but he was very good at learning languages and that he can speak French, Mandarin, Russian, Spanish and a couple other obscure tongue.  For me the academics were also a challenge, but music and images is where I was golden.

It makes perfect sense to me now how the path I have chosen may be confused with daydreaming to some folks, but it really speaks to me in ways I can only begin to comprehend myself at this early stage in my development.  As a more serious practitioner and as a teacher I can only refer to that tiny sense of knowing in the marrow of my bones and go with it.  This in itself is purity.   Vishuddha.